How are my moms doing???
I want to check in on all my mom friends who just dropped off their child at college.
It’s a wild mix of emotions, isn’t it? Did you hold it together? Or ugly cry like I did?
Honestly, I was okay most of the day, but there is something about giving that hug, watching them walk into their new “home,” and having to drive away. I’m not going to lie, it’s kind of terrible.
And those of you with little ones still at home, I’m going to be your friend and tell you right now, there is no preparing for that feeling!
It’s been a month already since I sent my youngest off to college, and even though I've done this before, there is something about driving away and leaving your child there.
I’m so excited for him, and I'm beyond proud of him!
But…
The house still feels a little different. I miss hearing him make popcorn at night or yelling at his friends while gaming. And yes, I strangely miss the early morning send-offs during marching band season.
And…
I’m also loving NOT having the early morning wake-ups. Both emotions can be true, right?
I've been thinking a lot about this new season of parenting because sometimes I hear people talk about sending kids to college almost like our job is finished. We got them to 18. Our job is done, right?!
Well…not quite. (At least in my opinion.)
Yes, we should celebrate raising kids to grow up and become independent adults. As much as we want them to need us, deep down we do want them to have the ability to make their own decisions, solve problems, and figure things out.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t believe our job is done just because they turn 18 or start college. They still need us spiritually, emotionally, and let’s be honest…financially too.
A child turning 18 does not mean they have it all figured out. And if they are still under our “umbrella” with their needs, then it is still our job to guide them while they are learning to adult.
Most importantly, they need to know their parents are praying for them and pointing them to the things of God.
I don't think starting college changes the responsibility God gave us to teach our children.
Deuteronomy 6:6–7 says, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.”
That instruction is not only intended for little ones. It is our responsibility to continue even as they grow more independent.
Here is where it can get tricky…
Listen, I am not promoting smothering your children. Providing ongoing and Godly wisdom is not the same as holding on and being louder than the voice of God in their own life. We have to loosen the reins so they can grow without us doing the work for them.
So, not doing everything for them, but not being hands-off either.
Somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot. So, maybe our role is shifting from managing their lives to more of a coaching role.
Here are a few tips I’ve been putting into practice.
Don’t stop asking questions, but give them space to find the answers themselves first. Keep pursuing your children!
Don’t stop listening, but maybe take a breath before fixing it right away.
Never stop praying.
And trust that the God who loves them even more than we do is at work in their lives!
So, to all my friends who recently drove away from a college campus, here is a simple prayer:
God, teach me how to parent this child well in this new season.
Because our job isn't over. It may be changing, but it isn’t over!
